Annoyance: Looking at Difficult People

mmmkkkk_broken_glasses_1dygoqhneA Course in Miracles says something to the effect that annoyance is actually thinly-veiled rage, that there are no levels of discontent. If this were empirically true in your experience it could be seen, at the very least, that this gnawing feeling is an opportunity to look at annoyance in a different way.

So if there is a “difficult” person in front of you (and another clue to the depth of dissatisfaction is that they are not in front of you presently, but continually popping up in your head as a source of annoyance), you can look right at the person, or the image, and see that the reaction is happening within you. The person, or their image, is just doing what it’s doing, but the physiological response is in you. This is where the conflict is going on, not out there. This is easy to see, if you look honestly.

And so the resolution of the supposed conflict is always right here. Sit with that sensation or feeling. Let it do whatever it wants to do. Don’t add any story to the feeling, or justifications, or history, or assumptions. Simply sit with the sensation as it is. It might diminish, or it might intensify–either way, the task is not to change the circumstance or the individual, it is to allow the sensation to be as it is. Notice the thoughts that surround it, like “I don’t want this,” or “This shouldn’t be happening.” Notice that the sensation might grow stronger when accompanied by such thoughts of resistance, by all the “no’s” the mind can come up with, making the conflict seem real and enduring, Let all of those thoughts and images come and go, and ultimately fall away.

When whatever is occurring within, sensation or feeling, is resolved, you can open your eyes, and guess what, there is no longer a difficult person there, nor is their a recurring image taunting you. It was all a chimerical play, an invitation to look deeper. In some cases, it may even be seen that there is no other there at all, simply an appearance within the whole that you (we) are.

People talk a lot about resistance in this line of work. “I can see that I am resisting this,” for instance, is a common response. What does that actually mean? That you are somehow in charge of these feelings or sensations? That you can control your level of peace? Resistance, like annoyance, is a label we put on an experience that seems to locate us, again, at the center of the universe. There is no one who can resist what happens in this universe. Look into this idea of resistance as well. You might find that there is no such thing. There are only experiences, sensations, and our interpretation of them.

Disappear the difficult people and circumstances in your life by looking for the peace that already exists within. There are no difficult people; there is only an internal sense of discomfort. Eventually even the idea of, or the labels, “internal” and “discomfort” cease to apply in the looking.

The origin of the word bully is “brother,” and “lover.” Look for the bully, be you the bullied or the bully herself. If interested in how this might play out or look pragmatically, feel free to contact me.

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